Azumanga Lodoss Brigade
by Anime Borat
Summary: Looks like our favorite Azu girls and the SOS Brigade invade the world of Lodoss. Chaos and crazy stuff ensue as they save the day and try make their way back home.
1. Prologue: Out to Sea

**Azumanga Lodoss Brigade**

Disclaimer: I do not own Record of Lodoss Wars or Azumanga Daioh or Haruhi Suzumiya

Synopsis: Our favorite gang gets lost out at sea to end up in (of all places) the world of Lodoss thanks to Haruhi Suzumiya . Find what happened to two of our favorite teachers when they wake up.

An AD/ROLW/MOHS crossover. This is my first fanfic. Please help me.

Prologue: Out to Sea

The night sky shown beautifully as the yacht sailed peacefully over the waters off Okinawa Island; on the deck everyone is watching the moon and the stars shining brilliantly over them as they lay back to reminisce. Well, almost everyone. Below decks Miss Yukari Tanizaki and Mrs. Kimura are lying in bed. The English teacher had knocked herself out from drinking too many cans of beer while the sweet and clueless wife felt very tired for some reason and took a nap. Miss Yukari was moaning rather quietly instead of her noisy wails that accompany drunkenness. Perhaps the alcohol wasn't that strong and the Iroimote cat, Maya is sleeping under a berth in the front cabin below. Meanwhile on the deck everyone except Kimura lied down on the starboard side to stare at the night sky. Minamo "Nyamo" Kurusawa ponders on how fast time flies yet some things stay the same: Yukari still being childish; Osaka staring into her own world; Tomo and Yomi having an up and down friendship that continues to remain strong; Kaorin still creeped out by Mr. Kimura; and everyone else remain themselves. This going to be there last summer together and how she would miss the girls when they graduate. She had won an all-expense paid vacation to Okinawa from a Neko koneko promo by shooting an outlandish cosplay video with Yukari about some RPG game where the former is a dark elf and the latter a dark elf. It might have turned might turned out second or third place but Yukari got so drunk and seriously thought she is one forcing Nyamo to run then fight her life and finally restrain her - on video. It won first place and hell of a following in Youtube. She had to give her credit for although she had to borrow to the camera from poor Masaaki Ohyama and upload the video to the Internet, it was Yukari's idea, blackmail (she threatened to report Ohyama to the principal's office for bringing some hentai mags), and her drunken acting that won them this trip. They invited him to go on the trip for all the trouble he went through but he was too frightened to go. The invitation, however, is taken over by Kimura who has a skill that none of them had: boating. It turned out that the vacation package included a yacht trip. Miss Kurusawa initially turned him down but Yukari insisted they bring him along reasoning that, at least, don't have to hire a boatman. She finally did and now he is at the helm of the yacht. He had some boating experience before and he and his wife went to sea during their honeymoon. She looked at Kaorin and let out a sigh of relief that she was oblivious to the Classical Japanese teacher's presence. This calm evening might have been spoiled had she freaked out at the sight of him staring at her. It might as well be.

The SOS brigade is living out Haruhi Suzumiya's idea of summer vacation:camping out in the woods and making an amateur documentary of the Iriomote Cat and its behavior in the wild. Kyon is relieved this activity is relatively normal - only relatively. Making a 'documentary' of a wild cat in the middle of a jungle, not to mention she accepted it for the want of anything better. She's not satisfied Googling it or touring the exhibit. She wants to video it in its own backyard. Kyon wondered if what they are doing is legal because the Iriomote Cat is endangered and they might get in trouble if they do this the wrong way. Worse still they are near the mouth of the Nakama River, a part of the Iriomote-Ishigaki National Park. He tried to talk Haruhi out of this but she insisted and the plan pushed through. Mikuru hopes that nothing bad happens to them. For Kyon that meant park personnel who could catch them on the spot. He now follows her orders as always, trudging through the mud, wading through the water and the underbush looking for it and trying to record its behavior in the wild via digicam. Kyon sighed as he sat hidden behind some bushes, steadied the camera to cat he had been following for an hour and a half, careful not to disturb it as much as possible. It move gracefully along the water then it stopped and started to recoil its body. _'What's this? Did it spotted me!'_ Kyon thought, alarmed that the cat might have sensed him and is ready to runaway. But he continued filming it anyway, not minding the humidity and insects, his only other real concern are park personnel and some wayward tourist. The cat moved quietly with all fours spread out on the ground. It had spotted its prey. Kyon focused the camera careful not to lose sight of it. The cat moved quietly to its prey: a large frog. Very quietly it move behind it, the sounds of its paws scraping the ground masked by other sounds of the jungle and that of the lapping water. All of a sudden it shot itself forward at the frog paws drawn forward. The frog tried to hop but it was too late. The predator's paws pin downed the hapless frog to ground and the victorious wild cat grabbed it with its mouth claiming its prize. It scampered to the nearest tree to eat its catch in solitude. Kyon is outwardly calm but inside he couldn't deny that had caught a wild cat hunt on video. The others were less lucky. Mikuru got freaked out by a centipede crawling on her legs, scaring the wild cat she tried so hard to film and she nearly comprised her-and their-position. Yuki followed one until it got killed by a passing car as tried to cross the road. All too graphic. Itsuki chanced upon a wildcat giving birth. Too close for comfort and he didn't even flinch. Haruhi herself stayed at the camp waiting for them and she even evaluated their performance. It was a selfish but necessary move. Someone might have spotted their camp and wonder what's going on and she could come with the explanation that they are camping at the wrong place. Then she would let out a codeword in their cellphones telling they have been spotted and they have to get out of here. His video might make Haruhi happy and maybe their ticket out of here. Kyon let out a small smile as he get up to return to camp.

Osaka stared at the night sky. She turned to Chiyo with eyes wide open and said slowly,"Chiyo, do you think aliens exist?"

Chiyo looked at Osaka and answered in her cheery helium voice," Osaka, there is no evidence so far that proved aliens exist."

Tomo impulsively cut in," Aliens DO EXIST, Osaka! The US government is covering it up. Do you know why they built a base here on Okinawa Island? It's 'cause they discovered aliens here and they are doing them for secret research. And don't listen to Chiyo because she's been braiwashed the by government or she's a spy or worse..."

She bent over and crouched towards Osaka. She then cup her ears ready to whisper something. Osaka's still smiling but her eyes widened in anticipation.

"She's an alien herself." Tomo finally whispered. Osaka then slowly turned to Chiyo. She thought she saw her pigtails wiggle and her eyes turn completely black. And get wider and wider.

"Chiyo, are you an alien? We promise not to hurt you or tell anyone even the US government." Osaka quietly said. Her weirdo head has shifted gears to maximum overdrive. Yomi let out a sigh of exasperation. _She is taking this too far_, She thought. She's not gonna let Tomo ruin this experience.

"Osaka, there are no such things as aliens and please don't listen to whatever Tomo says." Yomi said as she stood up. She adjusted her glasses and walk towards the cooler on the foredeck. She opened it and rummaged through its contents. She picked up a can of milk tea. She she pulled the tab and drank it contentedly. She the finished can inside a waste basket.

"Oh Yomi, don't be such a killjoy. We're just having some fun. And oh, I didn't know you were thirsty. I thought you were going for the snack pack." Tomo mused pointing to large picnic basket. Yomi's face got red. She grabbed Tomo by the shirt. She is really pissed now.

"You take that back!" Yomi shouted.

"But it's true. You didn't pick up a snack. And aliens are real just like the fat in your butt." Replied Tomo smiling mischievously as she savored the moment.

"What! Why you-" But before an enraged Yomi could finish her heel slipped on a wet melon bread wrapper, letting go of Tomo. She suddenly swung her arms widly trying keep balance but she fell on Tomo over the railing and they splashed into sea. Nyamo instinctively got up from the stern moved nimbly to the port side to pick them up. Yomi darted out of the water gasping for air. She treaded water and check if glasses are still hung around her neck. She let out a sigh of relief but the next thing she saw made her scream. Tomo is floating prone on the water. She swam to her and shouted her name. But the moment she touch her Tomo's arms flapped back to life, startling Yomi. She laughed as she stabilized herself on the water.

"Gotcha, Yomi! Boy you should have really seen the look on your face!" shouted Tomo as she laughed like a maniac. The shrill sound of Miss Kurosawa's whistle snapped everyone back to reality. Yomi and Tomo swam to side of the boat as the rest of the girls help them out of the water. Kimura stood up from the cockpit and pick something from his bag. The two were dripping wet as they climb back in.

"Tomo, what you did was not funny!" scolded Nyamo, "We were really worried!"

"Sorry, Kurosawa-sensei. It was just a joke." said Tomo. She then took off her wet T-shirt, showing off the top of her swimsuit.

"Don't 'sorry' me, young lady! I want the two of you below decks and put on warm dry clothes!"

"Yeah! Kurosawa-sensei is throwing us down the bri-" Some flashes of light cut Tomo short. Everyone turned their eyes to the cockpit, the source of the flashes. Kimura is standing up aiming a camera at them. _It's my chance,_ thought the teacher/helmsman. He really wanted to take pictures of them when their wet. The first time he tried to take pictures of them was when they were in the beach yesterday but he ate a bad sashimi which gave him diarrhea and sent him to the clinic. He really cried because the chance see and take pictures of the girls in their swimsuits (especially Kaorin and Sakaki) or at least when they're wet is ruined. Now it is his chance and his took a few more clicks with his camera. He never seen Tomo and Yomi more beautiful than when they're wet.

The girls were just shocked. Tomo hastily covered chest with her arms. And an angry Nyamo rushed at Kimura. She blocked the lens with her hand. She grabbed the camera from Kimura. He could only stutter. She shouted, "What the heck is this! A wet t-shirt contest!"

She looked at the camera. It was an old-fashioned film camera, not one of the brand new digital cams in the market. She opened the back and was suprised. Kimura let out gasp of shock. There was no film inside it! Nyamo is perplexed. He apparently forgot to put the film. She slowly gave back the camera to a gaping mouthed Kimura.

"What! I thought I put the film inside! This can't be happening!" said Kimura as he frantically inspected the empty camera. He could not believe it. He thought his chance had come only to be dashed the ground.

Kimura let a shout, "NNNOOOOOOO!" His voice echoed into the night sky like something out of a movie. Everyone was just weirdoed by his antics. One by one, the girls, realizing just how tired they are just, went below decks bringing their stuff and then Nyamo followed suit. She held the hatch open.

"Mr. Kimura, do you want to get in?" Nyamo asked.

"I'll be with you shortly." he replied. Nyamo came down the hatch and closed it. Kimura then faced the night sky for what seemed like forever. He slowly moved to the hatch, opened it and finally got below decks.

End of the Prologue. Hope to make new chapters.


	2. A God In Their Midst

Chapter 1 – A God in Their Midst

**Disclaimer: **I don'town Azumanga Daioh, Record of Lodoss War or Haruhi Suzumiya.

* * *

At the same time the Azu gang got below decks everyone at the Nakama camp sans Kyon is hunkering down outside their tents eating instant rice, instant noodles and curry. It's been four hours since Kyon left off. Everyone is talking in whispers since they don't want to alert the park personnel patrolling the environs in and around the Iriomote-Ishigaki National Park. SOS Brigade leader Haruhi Suzumiya is already worried that Kyon could be caught and they would be caught too. Soon they would have to shelve the whole plan and come up with another summer activity. Yuki is playing with her DS. Mikuru and Itsuki are talking about the latest box office hit discussing both its good and bad points. A sound from their left alerted them. Everyone braced themselves for the 'park ranger' to appear. The undergrowth parted and a dark silhouette emerged. Mikuru gasp in fright and held Itsuki's arm but Yuki remained unmoved. Haruhi turned the flashlight at the figure and shone it. They let out a sigh of relief: it was just Kyon. He emerged from the thick growth with the digital camera in his hand; his hiking shoes and and light khaki pants dirty with mud; his tee shirt and vest stained with sweat and dirt. Her face is pouting and she is visibly upset. _Here we go, again, _He thought. He remembers how he is scolded by Haruhi innumerable times especially if he does not do job right even when he succeeds in his given task.

"Kyon, we were worried sick of you!" she shouted aloud with her arms crossed, "We thought you were caught by the park enforcers!"

"Um, Haruhi. Keep your voice down!" He whispered," You might alert anyone nearby."

"Well, Kyon, why didn't you use your cell phone? You could have at least informed us!"

"Um… I forget to charge it and besides, I don't want to scare away the cat I was filming, do I?" He answered back irritably.

"That seems forgivable", she sighed," but don't get sloppy again!"

"I'll do better next time." Kyon scratched the back of his head. _Next time in doing more ridiculous, embarrassing and insanely impossible tasks. _ "But you got footage of it, right?" She excitedly asked. Her voice changed, her eyes twinkled with wonder, and her face beamed into a smile. Her ill mood changed almost as fast it had started.

"Yeah, I got it." He handed her the camera. She quickly swiped it from him. She then turned on the LCD screen to see Kyon's work. _Typical Haruhi._ _She gets mad if you don't go by her book but she lightens up like a little kid if you do get what she wanted. Not even a word of gratitude._

"Okay, you can eat dinner with us, Kyon, at the SOS Brigade mess hall." She pointed to a space with a portable stove a steaming pot of water on top. In it are two packs of curry and two packs of cooked rice. Flanking the stove a few feet away are two tents: one for the girls and the second one, of course, for the boys. Kyon's sister Hirai is sleeping inside with Shamisen inside the girls' tent.

"I don't feel hungry really," Kyon answered, wiping his dirty hands and sweaty forehead with a hand towel kept inside his left vest pocket, "I just feel tired from humping around the mangroves."

"You need your strength! You're the only who got things right this time!" She ordered. Then she and Kyon walked together to the stove. She took out two plates and spoons and forks from a picnic basket and she handed a plate and spoon and fork to the long suffering SOS brigade rank and file member. Then she opened the pot and scooped some rice for herself. Kyon did likewise and put the lid back on. She used a pair of tongs to pick up a pack of curry from the pot. She opened it quickly so she wouldn't burn herself. She poured the contents all over her rice. She did the same for Kyon. He did not flinch but inwardly he was taken aback by Haruhi's act of generosity.

"T-Thanks." Kyon managed to expressed his gratitude.

"Don't mention it, Kyon." She cheerfully said. _That was something. Kindness of this kind is rarely expected of Haruhi. She usually bosses her underlings, including myself, around. Much to my dismay, of course, but every other member of the Brigade told me keep this up to keep the end of the world at bay. I need to know more about what's this have to do with me but they're not gonna tell me for the moment. Not that I wanna know. I might not even handle the truth of it._ He watched Haruhi greedily digging into her curry. Kyon sighed and started eating. He didn't realize how hungry he was until he started eating. The food was delicious. He pondered about all the things that happened to him before. This weird girl Haruhi Suzumiya formed a brigade with his unwitting help that specializes in searching for mysteries and other weird stuff. And here comes the individuals that she has been always looking for: an alien, an esper, and a time traveler. They all told him that she is a temporal anomaly, an advancement of human evolution, and finally to his surprise a God. That he was some sort of key was some of the most shocking things in life. He even saved the world from her emotional instability. Currently they are to keep an illusion of a normal life to keep from her being agitated and influencing her surroundings with the so-called… Haruhiism. One thing's for sure is she can bend the laws of the physical reality that we live in subconsciously at a whim and that spells danger for the current universe. He finished his meal and looked over his shoulder. It was Itsuki seating behind his back. He flinched at the sight of the esper sitting behind him. It is sometimes his way. Haruhi rose up and went to Mikuru and Yuki. Now the peon and the esper are alone.

"Nice evening isn't it, Kyon." Said Itsuki wearing his seemingly eternal smile and seemingly calm eyes. A fake one, thought Kyon.

"Well, Itsuki, what is it this time?" Kyon sighed.

"We're alone now just the two of us. There is something I need to tell you about now."

"What does 'The Agency' have for us today?"

"Do you believe in the many-worlds interpretation, Kyon?"

"The theory in quantum mechanics about the objective reality of the wave functions but denies the reality of the wave function collapse. It is also known as the many-universes interpretation. In short, it speaks about the possibility of other worlds similar to our own but divergent in character, secure in their very own universe."

"That's great, Kyon," said an excited Itsuki," You seem to knew what where gonna discuss tonight."

"I read it in book in the library while doing some of my homework. I was gonna ignore until I realize that we might talk about it in the future… near or distant. I didn't take my science lessons for granted. Speaking of which, I know you came up with it because you're about to talk of a world that Haruhi just created, correct?"

"Somewhat, although I believe it may just be as old as ours."

"Like three years ago?" Kyon dryly noted.

"Maybe. We suspect something's afoot with this 'other world'. For me I believe she is actually worshipped there." Replied Itsuki.

That had startled Kyon. Nevertheless he wanted to hear him out. "Do you know any sort of details about this?"

"Little. From what I was briefed it's the sort of Tolkienesque world filled with magic, the kind of thing where the laws of physics takes a back seat and where there are other sentient beings besides humans."

"That sounds like the stuff of fantasy novels and RPG's. Are you telling she has been into this stuff lately or some point in her life then she remembered it just now."

"We never found any evidence that she has any interest about it. Still, given the popularity of fantasy-based online games and box office hit _Lord of the Rings_, it would not go unnoticed by her."

"So the Agency has discovered a world probably created by Haruhi Suzumiya, albeit subconsciously. What seems to be the problem anyway and what does it have to do with our world?"

"I don't know but the physical anomalies so common there had increased at an alarming rate. They have reached an unprecedented level of excitement. Someone is manipulating with much stronger nuclear forces that could pierce the dimensional fabric that forms the border between our world and theirs. And Haruhi is somehow unconsciously aiding them."

"Hmm….So someone is trying bridge the worlds with _magic_," Kyon said, emphasizing the last word," And Haruhi's ability. Does your agency know whoever is doing this?"

Itsuki frowned, "We can't do anything about it. We don't have the power to move in and out of alternate worlds that are alive with their own realities at our present level of power and even then none of us want to be accessories to a major dimensional rift that could potentially alter this or both worlds with fatal consequences."

"So they are not the closed spaces that you can enter when the conditions are right. What is the best course of action that you or we should take?"

Itsuki paused for a while; his eyes looking down at the ground, Kyon could only guess what he's thinking. Then the esper turned around and faced Kyon then said, "We should wait and see."

_Wait and see! Wait and see if this going to be the end of the world? But I will take my chances. I had to kiss Haruhi so she wouldn't destroy the world and there have many close calls since then._ Kyon then remembered that time when he did that to save the world. He had this slight feeling that has been bugging ever since. She said love is a sort of mental illness. Does he have feelings for her? I this it? Should he acknowledge these feelings? He does not want to know about this and hope it stays that way. He turned to Itsuki and said," By the way, it's a miracle that we haven't been spotted by park personnel for all this time. Tell me something: What did you do to keep them from finding this spot?"

**"**Kyon… Me and Nagato, um, persuaded them." Answered Itsuki. Kyon decided not ask about how they …"persuaded" the park rangers for now. It has been a long day for him. He looked at the girls. Yuki is still absorbed with her DS. And he saw Haruhi playing cards with Mikuru. Everything for the moment is calm. Calm before the storm. He got up and trudge to a clump of mangrove trees to change and clean himself up. He pondered about Itsuki's "wait and see" thing as he tidied himself behind the trees. When his done he walked to the tent and in few moments he's in his sleeping bag dozing off in his well-earned sleep.

* * *

Back in the yacht everyone is getting ready to sleep. Kimura retired with his wife and Yukari at the aft cabin. Tomo and Yomi freshened up for bed with their P.E. teacher scolding them.

"Tomo!Yomi! You will be scrubbing the decks tomorrow as punishment for that horse play you did over there! Me and Mr. Kimura agreed to it!" she raised her voice.

"That was mean!" Tomo shouted and then turns an angry face at Yomi,eyes flashing and pointing a finger," She spoiled our fun so she should scrub the decks by herself!"

"FUN!" She shouted," Your bonkler antics are going too far and we almost thought you drowned!" She knew that Tomo could turn a good time into a horrid mess for her own entertainment.

"Can't you take a joke Yomi! Your always a killjoy ruining our day-!"

"ENOUGH!" shouted Nyamo. That was indeed enough to keep the two girls silent. "What you did today is had us worried!" She sighed. She never had been so angry since the start of the vacation except with Yukari and Kimura and even then it never went this far.

"Oyasuminasai, everyone." She then walked out of the room quietly and proceeded to the aft cabin. Tomo, Yomi, Chiyo, Osaka , Hanako(Kimura's daughter) and Kaorin where left in the room. Everyone is silent.

Tomo finally spoke out in a subdued voice,"You know Yomi, I don't feel sleepy."

"Same here", Yomi said wearily.

"You know, I don't know if I'm sleepy or awake," Osaka said, smiling, then she turns to Azumi," How do you if you're sleepy or not?"

Hanako stared at her for a while but she ignored Osaka and turned to the two girls instead,"Yomi onee-chan, Tomo onee-chan? What happened up there?" she asked timidly in her sweet voice.

Yomi answered, "Me and Tomo had a fight..." and she explained the rest.

"That was not nice, Tomo onee-chan. Pretending to have you're neck broken and floating in the water."

The two teenagers turned and looked at each other. They didn't expect some girl Chiyo's age would use 'broken necks' quite openly in a conversation. Osaka added," You could have been eaten by sharks or sea monsters"

Everyone except Kaorin stared at her, slightly taken aback by her weird and somewhat morbid humor. Her imagination usually gets the better of her. Everyone decided to do something since they're not sleepy yet. Tomo started excitedly, "We should tell scary stories. It would be fun!"

"Telling those kinds of stories out at sea isn't exactly a good idea," Yomi cautioned.

"Why don't we play board games?" suggested Chiyo.

"BOARD GAMES," laughed Tomo," You're still an elementary student, huh, Chiyo!"

"Keep it down, Tomo," whispered Yomi, " Everyone else is asleep."

"What are we gonna do now? How are we gonna have fun if we can't make a sound? Oh, wait! We could borrow Hanako's PSP and play MGS Portable Ops or Medal of Hono-"

"Can it, Tomo. I know you're gonna coerce her into lending it to you." Yomi butted in.

"Let's play sea slugs." said Osaka.

"Sea slugs?" Everyone said in unison.

"Yes. We could all pretend to be sea slugs crawling around the ocean floor and a diver is coming to take as away so we have to crawl and hide. The sea slug that gets caught becomes the diver." Then she crawls on the floor to demonstrate the sea slug moving around and hiding around nooks and crannies. Then she stood up to and made a swimming motion to demonstrate the diver. The people in the room sweat dropped. They decided to do better things than Osaka's bullet time version of tag and hide-and-seek.

Hanako finally said, holding out a bag and smiling happily, "I have some books that you can read." She opened and took out its contents: Various manga and light novels, novels, and other books.

"Wow, you brought books, Hisoka. That's great." Yomi chimed.

"What's wrong, Yomi? Afraid that your brain is whittling away from the study table?" Tomo said slyly with a naughty smirk.

"You know, Tomo onee-chan, daddy said books are good for people with short attention spans."

Tomo's smirked changed into a frown with angry blank eyes and cross popping veins appear. _Are you telling me I'm that stupid, you little brat?_, she thought. But Yomi appeared behind Hisoka with a demonic aura and glowing red eyes. Tomo back down with a nervous smile. Clearly, if Tomo does something violent to Mr. Kimura's daughter, it well return a thousand fold in Yomi's double chop.

"Oh. y-y-you're r-right, Hanako," Tomo stammered, sweating with a forced smile, "Books are great."

Osaka stood up and waved her hands slowly, "I want one."

Hanako walked to her and handed her one and proceded give to everyone else. Meanwhile, seating in a corner in the cabin, Kaorin is grappling with a thought she finds unsettling: she is not sleeping with Sakaki-san in the front cabin. She couldn't take it. Tomo, Kagura, and Yomo get to sleep there but not Kaorin. Worse still, Tomo gets to sleep at the starboard bottom berth and Sakaki is at the top berth. It was her misfortune to let Tomo have that vacant bottom berth. _Why did I let that wildcat beat me to it? Why? Why!,_ her mind screamed. While she is straining her mind over the matter, Hanako came up to her and looked at her. Kaorin looks like she's constipated. Hanako feels that she has to go. So...

"Kaorin onee-chan, you don't look so good. Can I get you something?" she said.

Kaorin had at last snap out of her stupor and looked at Hanako, the daughter of her least favorite teacher and worst nightmare ever, Kimura-sensei. The irony of life. Instead of lemons, you get a creepy teacher who gets his kicks from being Peeping Tom with schoolgirls, is married with to a beautiful and loving wife and has daughter who looks like Sakaki..._looks like Sakaki_, she thought. She looked at her. _She does look like Sakaki_. She looked at Hanako. She had long flowing hair and sweet eyes like her idol. And she saw she is holding a book.

"Kaorin onee-chan, are you okay?"

She put on an embarrased smile, "N-No, I'm okay. It's just I'm thinking of something."

"I bet what Yomi and Tomo did made you scared."

"Yeah, they did." she laughed nervously.

"You wanna read a book?" she asked handing her some books.

"Oh, I'll take one." She picked up one. She looked at her. Hanako walked and joined the larger crowd. Kaorin followed suit. Everyone read into the night. It is already 12:15 AM when they stopped. They returned the books to Hanako.

"Boy, I'm bushed." Tomo yawned.

"Me too." Agreed Yomi.

"Oyasuminasai, Tomo onee-chan, Yomi onee-chan." she said to the two girls.

"Oyasuminasai, everyone." Tomo and Yomi said in unison. Then they left the room and close the door. The occupants of the room are getting ready for bed. Chiyo and Hanako are putting on the covers. Osaka yawned loudly and softly and then laid her head on the pillow. Everyone said their goodnights and Kaorin shut the lights. She laid down in bed and look at Hanako. She looked and smiled. Then she closed her eyes. Kaorin thought how much she look like Sakaki when she grows up. Maybe sleeping without her isn't bad after all. She drifted to sleep and began dreaming her and Sakaki together on a sunset shore in England.

* * *

End of Chapter 1. I would make Chapter 2 soon(relatively). Review if you like.


	3. A Rude Awakening

Chapter 2: A Rude Awakening

**Disclaimer: **I don'town Azumanga Daioh, Record of Lodoss War or Haruhi Suzumiya. All the other anime and pop culture references here are for entertainment purposes only and not for profit.

Rated PG-13

* * *

Kimura opened his eyes and found himself floating in a sunny blue sky with clouds of fleecy white all around him. He's not wearing the sky-blue Hula shirt and white shorts but his regular working attire. Below him are mountains with their dark peaks strutting majestically against the sky line. He felt a shrill thrill of flying but what excited him the most are seven girls flying with him; his favorite students… his most favorite of them all, Kaorin is flying alongside him. This is too good to be true. _The girls are… flying …with me._

"Kimura-sensei," Kaorin called out sweetly," Are you day dreaming?"

"Wha-, No! It's just I never expected this to-"

"What? Never been invited to our summer vacation before?" Tomo cut in as she playfully swoop pass him with her arms stretched out like wings. She flew gracefully back into formation. He looked around and saw that on his right are Chiyo, Osaka, Kaorin and Sakaki. And to his left are Tomo, Yomi and Kagura. The girls have sunny smiles in their faces and they are wearing their blue summer uniforms. Their arms outstretched like that of birds gliding.

"Girls," Kimura finally spoke," Where are we going?"

"We are going to our secret vacation spot," Answered Chiyo. Her arms are not stretched out but rather swinging loosely on the sides. It's her ponytails that are giving her the power of flight, flapping vigorously in the air. His jaw is not hanging loosely but became taut and formed to a smile.

"Where is this secret spot, my little honor student?" He asked giddily.

"In the middle of these mountains, our favorite teacher." She cheerily answered, "It's summer time and the mountains are the best vacation spots besides beaches. My dad bought it. Oh look, here he is right now!" she said pointing to a strange cat creature standing on one of the peaks. Kimura turned his head and looked at it. The cat thing is yellow and had an oblong body. Its anime-like eyes and mouth are the only features in its face. It's waving its hand at them which is more like the arm and hands merged together with no fingers, just a smooth rounded point.

"Hello Chiyo." The cat shouted.

"Hi dad." Her daughter answered waving a hello at it.

"Hello Mr. Mihama," Shouted the other girls in unison.

"Thanks for letting us go to that secret spot, Mr. Mihama." Thanked Tomo.

"It's my pleasure, Tomo," The cat answered. He looked at the figure at the head of the group. The man is wearing the attire of a teacher, somewhat sloppily. His glasses obscure his eyes.

"Chiyo dear, who is the gentleman flying with you?" He asked.

"Sorry dad, I forgot to introduce you to our teacher. Meet Kimura-sensei."

Kimura felt awkward being introduced to Chiyo's 'father'. Nevertheless, he found the courage to speak out," Good morning, Mr Mihama. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"And you too, Kimura-sensei. I've been told that you were an excellent teacher although your entrance in the first day was a little… odd. Anyway, thank you for looking after my sweet little angel and her friends while they're at school," he turned to Chiyo," And have fun."

"We will dad." She answered.

"And take care of them and have fun too, Kimura-sensei." Chiyo's father waves his hand and floated off the peak. He flew into the sky until he is out of sight. Kimura was perplexed by Chiyo's father but nevertheless smiled.

"Chiyo-chan, you lead the way!" shouted the jubilant teacher.

"Okay, here I go!" Chiyo replied. She slowed down, stopped on her tracks and hovered. Then her ponytails flapped faster and faster and then suddenly she shot forward like a comet. Everyone else shot forward at lightning speed leaving the teacher behind.

Kimura shouted," Wait for me, girls!" and he blazed like a shooting star to catch up with them. They speed forward until they reach their destination. Then they gradually slow down and finally landed in a beautiful and pristine mountain meadow. It rolls gently into a sparklingly blue lake. Kimura never felt so happy in his entire life. Now girls are with him in the most remote part of the world.

"What are we going to do here?" He asked.

"All the usual summer activities, Kimura-sensei," said Yomi, who is now in her two piece swimsuit, "First, we start with volleyball." She is holding a volley ball and it's spinning on her finger.

"Let the fun begin." shouted Tomo, also in a swimsuit. He looked around and the rest of the girls are in swimsuits. And the fun started. Kimura is in a team consisting of Kaorin, Chiyo, Kagura while their opponents are Yomi, Tomo, Osaka, and Sakaki. Kimura's team won by one point and Tomo got mad and said they cheated but he cut her off when shouted about more fun so they rushed to the lake.

"Cannonball!" Tomo shouted as plunge into the blue waters.

"Wait for me!" Kagura joined in. She somersaulted into the water like an Olympic swimmer. Yomi was about to join in but Tomo taunted her.

"Don't dive or you'll cause a tidal wave." She mocked.

Yomi is pissed, "DOUBLE CHOP!" And she jumps into the water causing big splash. Tomo looked ridiculously at the spot where she dove then something shot up from the water ramrod straight all of a sudden. It was Yomi and boy was she pissed. She had a demonic look on her face. Yomi eyes were bright red.

"Time for drowning lessons, Tomo!" she roared. Tomo screamed in fright like the annoying little slacker she is and swims off at a like a fish that just meet a shark at a ludicrously high speed. Yomi shot off too and pursued her to the wide expanses of the lake.

The rest of the girls are playing ball on the water. He noticed something strange at the sky. He looked to his right and he saw a rather odd sight. Far away he saw five figures flying in an inverted V-formation. There are three women with wings that formed a 'triangle' at the head and flanked by two wingless women clad in black kimonos and carrying swords on their waists. Kimura squinted his eyes and noticed that were familiar. At the head is a beautiful woman with long brown wavy hair with a halo over her head. She has the most beautiful smile in the world. He suddenly realized that she was wife. _Mai waifu_, he sadly thought,_ what happened to you?_

He noticed the two women who seem to be in a verbal sparring match. One slightly shorter hair, also wavy but a much darker, is arguing with the other sporting even shorter, very dark and well-kept hair with bangs. She has a rather athletic appearance. Again, he realized that they are his two colleagues. He wondered about how they ended up like that…

"… You don't even deserve wings!" blurted Nyamo," Your crazy driving got us killed in the first place!"

"Well, you keep complaining about slowing down and watching the road while that jerk of a driver pissed me off!" shouted Yukari.

"You were overtaking him! He honked at you and you thought he wanted a race! You drove past even the police and you still think like it was The Fast and The Furious with him!"

"All I want is a chance get even with that bastard!"

"And dragging us along! He wasn't even trying race you! And you almost run over pedestrians crossing a busy intersection-!"

"Hey! You said you wanted to get home quickly to visit your mom!"

"I didn't mean that to drive like a trippy Mad Max on crack and booze! Thank God we dropped off Hanako at the station to meet with her class for the camping trip. And we also had to drop off Mrs. Kimura so she could buy some groceries but _noooo_! You have to let your ego flare up when that tofu delivery boy you nearly crashed into honked at you for swerving just right in front of him and nearly bumping into an old lady!"

Yukari imitated Nyamo's words with a mocking accent and said, "Like I care, I just wanna get even with him and go home!"

"He was far behind us when you zoomed off! And then we got the police on our tail-!"

"_Ohhh_!" she said mockingly. "You mean that motorcycle cop with black shades and that fatass Homer Simpson on a bicycle plus that police car with a tranny, a super strong wildcat and a Nyamo fanclub look-alike!"

"You got every police officer in Tokyo after us! And we crashed into a Shell delivery truck and an army munitions transport that sent us to Kingdom Come-literally!"

"Calm down, you two." Said Rangiku, one of the kimono-clad swordswomen, who had bright orange hair and a large bust size, "Everything will be fine once we get there."

"I don't want Nyamo anywhere near me when we get there!" replied Yukari.

"_Just shut up_, both of you!" Shouted Rukia, who was exasperated by their landmark argument, "Why can't you two be like your friend?" She pointed to Mrs. Kimura who was serene as an angel and the only one with a halo. She is smiling, oblivious to the quarrel of her companions. The two haloless teachers were now calm. Then the two discard the peace as though it was halftime and went back to arguing-again. The two shinigamis blew puffs of air in exasperation.

Kimura felt sadness and regret over the fate of his wife and colleagues. He was thankful that Hanako is alright. _Honey, I what am I gonna do now that your gone?_

He thought. A spark of enlightenment hit him. Now that his wife is gone, he can spend his sweet time with the girls and that his colleagues are now in heaven, there is now no one to suspect him of joining the girls. He would also spend more time with his daughter (like any normal father of course).

Chiyo approached him and said, "It would have been fun if Kurusawa-sensei and Yukari-sensei joined us."

That snapped him out of his reverie, "Why didn't they join us?" he asked.

She thought and then answered, "They said that they have important things to do this summer."

"Kimura-sensei! Chiyo-chan!" shouted Kagura." Are you gonna swim?"

"Coming!" Chiyo replied cheerily.

"Don't start the fun without me!" He shouted excitedly. He jumped into the water and played with the girls. He splashed water at Osaka, swam with Sakaki and spearfished with Kagura. It was now noon and everyone was tired from all of morning's activities. They wipe themselves dry and went to an already set picnic cloth spread out with all sorts of goodies. Kagura cooking meat and fish with Yomi and Kaorin is preparing sandwiches with Sakaki while Tomo is tied up and gagged at the background. Chiyo and Osaka are heaving coolers and baskets of food. Kimura wanted to help but they told him to seat back and relax. It was too good to be true…

"Lunch is ready!" called Yomi. Everyone gathered around the picnic cloth laden like a banquet including Tomo who somehow got free from her bonds. Kimura sat with Kaorin and Sakaki flanking him. Meanwhile in a distant part of the meadow a green-haired chibi is butchering Takano Miyo's Yamainu thugs and their screams are strangely not heard by the picnickers.

"This is for you Kimura-sensei," said the girls in unison as they offered him a big hero sandwich, "You're the best teacher ever!"

"Thank you girls," cried Kimura as he shed tears of joy, "You made me so happy."

"But that's not all, "said Yomi, "We're going to have a fireworks display tonight."

"Let's eat!" shouted Tomo. And everyone started digging in the wonderful delights set before them. Yomi is eating spicy pork cutlets and Osaka is feasting on watermelons. Kaorin is star struck from eating beside Sakaki and Kimura. Kagura and Tomo are having an eating contest. Chiyo is nibbling on rice balls.

Kimura finished half his sandwich and liked its wonderful taste. _What did the girls add in it_, he thought. Then he asked Chiyo, "This sandwich tasted great. What did you put in it?"

"We added some imported smoked cheese and cold cuts and the freshest vegetables available." She replied.

"A-a-and m-me and S-Sakaki made it for y-y-you," Kaorin giddily added, excitement in her voice.

"I see. What do we do after lunch? Well, that is before the fireworks tonight."

"We are going take a nap. We need our strength for tonight's activities." Sakaki said softly with a smile.

Kimura felt a little light. He asked again. "Where are we going to sleep?"

"In there." Osaka said, pointing to a big tent nearby.

"We are… all… going to…sleep…in one…tent?" replied Kimura, dumbfounded.

"Yes we all are." said Chiyo smiling.

"Wouldn't your father mind?" he asked her.

"No. My dad won't mind." She replied. Kimura's face beamed with delight.

"Yeah! I get to sleep next to him right now and you don't, Kaorin!" Tomo interjected putting her arms around the teacher. She made a stupid face at her. Kaorin eyes are red and she bared her teeth, shark like with rage.

Kimura sensed the tension around and said, "Calm down, girls. I like all of you," he puts his around Kaorin's shoulders, "That's okay, Kaorin-chan. You're still special to me."

With that Kaorin reverted to her calm self, "Sorry, Kimura-sensei." She replied peacefully. He turned to Tomo, "Apologize to her, young lady."

Tomo crept to her and and with some regret said, "Sorry Kaorin."

"That's all right," she replied and her smile returned.

"Now that's settled, let's finish our lunch." said Kimura. He was about took a bite on his sandwich then mused about the wonderful summer he would have with the girls. He remembered a song he often heard form the youngsters these from the radio and Ipods. Something sang by R. Kelly. _M_y_ mind is telling me nooo,_ his mind sang then it screamed, _but my body...my body is telling me yeah_! He stopped musing and continued eating when something suddenly crash into the center of the picnic at high speed. Everyone screamed and backed away. Kimura, who didn't moved at all, was stunned. He slowly and cautiously crept towards the thing which looked like a doll of some sort. The thing had long green hair and wore a tiny version of a high school uniform. He touched and it sprang back to life. He recoiled in fear.

"WH-WH-WHO ARE YOU!" he screamed.

"I'm Churuya-san and did someone say smoked cheese, nyoro?" it answered in a squeaky voice. Then it dashed to the picnic basket and climb inside ransacking the thing like a cat on crack and in heat. Then she backflipped herself out with three packs of smoked cheese in her hands and she opened her and swallowed all the cheese blocks with the girls undergoing color failure and blank white eyes due to shock.

"I'm still not satisfied," she looked around and looked at Kimura's sandwich, "Does it have smoked cheese inside, nyoro?"

Kimura shouted, "I WON"T GIVE YOU! This sandwich is made with the love and kindness of my students!"

"Yeah!" shouted Kagura, "Now get lost before we play soccer with you!" Kagura and the other bonklers, Osaka and Tomo, surrounded the chibi. The chibi sprinted through Tomo's legs as she tried to grab her but landed on her face. Kagura tried to bat it with a baseball bat but Churuya caught the end of it and clung to it.

"HEY! Get off you little green-haired freak!" She shouted as shook the bat violently fling her off. She flew...

"WEEEEEE!" she cried as she crashed into Chiyo's face. The impact socked right into her face and knocked her out cold. Sakaki instictively ran to her with a medkit. The chibi got up almost instantly and ran towards a frightened Kimura. He struggled to get on his legs and leave. Churuya tried to catch up but she was stopped by Yomi and Kaorin. It seems there's no way out for her...

"DOUBLE CHOP!" Yomi shouted as she strikes her but she moved too fast. Her blows instead landed on poor Kaorin.

"UGGGHHH!" she screamed as she fell face down with big lumps on her head and spiral eyes. Yomi picked her staggering body up. Now nothing stands in her way-except the bonklers who formed a straight row and wave their arms like a bunch of aliens.

"You shall not. You shall not pass. You shall not pass." they chanted. Churuya cocked herself and jump at them like a basketball. It hit with the force of a bowling ball and sent them flying. Now Churuya is now about to claim her prize.

"Give me the sandwich and you don't get hurt, nyoro." Churuya offered.

"Over my dead body you summer happiness destroying jerk!"

"Alrighty then, I guess you leave me no choice, nyoro." She then brandished the knife used by Shion to torture poor Satoko from a pocket ripped from Doraemon with the theme of Psycho playing in the background. Kimura quiverd in fright. He ran as fast as his feet can carry him. The girls saw the knife and they couldn't do anything to fight but there is one thing they can do do...

"RUN, KIMURA-SENSEI,RUN!" They shouted. Chiyo could only muffle from her bandaged-wrapped head. Churuya pursued him like Kuma trying to catch Brook and Usopp in One Piece. Kimura ran to edge of a cliff and jumped over it.

"Nyoro~n," cried Churuya dejectedly. But then Kimura flying into the sun and diving from above just before pulling up and swooping over the chibi, who crouched in alarm.

"Trying to screw me, huh!" she shrieked in her squeaky voice. She quickly blasted off like a rocket-_literally_! leaving behind thick plumes of fire and smoke and scorching the the ground beneath her. She darts at Kimura at Mach 1 and the Top Gun soundtrack. Kimura wondered what's all that 80's racket and looked back...

"AAAAARRRRRGGHHH!" Kimura realized that Churuya is gaining at him so he pumps up more speed and he zooms off.

Churuya got so fast that she was about to stab the underaged girl-loving teacher on the foot but missed when he warped speed his way out. "Damn! Looks like I need a little more reach," she realized so she flung the knife away and got the glinting Rena cleaver. The knife fell from the sky and hits...

Kyon on the head which kills him instantly and he falls face forward on the grill. He was sitting with Itsuki Koizumi and Yuki Nagato, who were roasting and basting the dismembered bodies of Maebara Keiichi, Sonozaki Mion and Ryuuga Rena, whom Churuya butchered while they tried to force feed the lactose-intolerant Keiichi with a taco with cheese bought from Taco Togo. But it wasn't smoked cheese at all. At the background Chuck Norris, Mr. T, Sylvestre Stallone, Steven Seagal, and Jackie Chan are fighting the remaining members of the Yamainu plus Al-Qaeda, the Ku Klax Klan, the SS, the Scourge from Warcraft, and the Colombian FARC. At some random bush Haruhi Suzumiya and Takano Miyo are dressing up and making out with a struggling and screaming Mikuru Asahina(don't you dare ask!). The hunter and hunted flew into a city where Kimura dogdes buildings and Churuya passes _through_ them like a hammer. He passes by Nabeshin at a speed so fast that it caused him to spin like a top and the psychotic chibi passed over him causing his afro to burn due to the rocket exhaust.

* * *

Meanwhile in Okinawa a well-built Hispanic man is carrying a bag of purchases in his arms and stepping out of a shop. "Arigato gozaimasu," hey says to the elderly shopkeeper like he was his _abuelo_(grandfather).

"Do itashi mashite, mata kite kudasai," says the shopkeeper cheerily. It seemed that offduty Pvt. James Rameriz is nice young man on the outside but inside he's pissed. He was turned into the errand boy by his squad. _Ramirez do this, Ramirez do that. And when can I take brake!_ he thought. Standing in the seaside park is the squad waiting for the chinsuko cookies he is carrying.

"What took you, man?" asked Cpl. Dunn. He was wearing a red hula shirt.

"It was crowded, Dunn. I manage to buy the last ones on stock."

"Very good, private. You deserve some drinks." said Sgt. Foley handing him a can of Coke.

"No thanks, Sarge, I don't feel thirsty."

"More for me then," said Dunn, who took the can.

"You know... being in Okinawa for a major exercise isn't such a bad idea." Dunn opened the can and took a sip

"Hey everyone! Let's it the cookies!" shouted Morgan and everyone started to rip open the goodies that Ramirez bought for them. Ramirez didn't mind opening, instead he read the box of the cookies he bought. The brand is Magic Chibisuko, a portmuneau of chibi and chinsuko. He was intrigued by the title so he read all usual stuff such as nutritional facts and ingredients. It has flour, sugar, and lard like normal cookies, plus exotics like sea turtle eggs and mushrooms, and finally some very disturbing ones like dead cats, headcrabs, and devil fruit. He read something that says WARNING: DO NOT EAT WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION. THE DURATION OF CHIBINESS DEPENDS ON THE NUMBER OF COOKIES EATEN. He sweat dropped in fright when he read the last part: EACH COOKIE IS 18 TO 24 HOURS. Before he turned his back he heard squeaking noises and when he did he saw the entire squad CHIBIFIED!

"RAMIREZ! What's meaning of this!" shouted Foley in his new voice.

"I just realized it myself, Sarge," he answered nervously.

"You owe me big time, Ramirez!" shouted Dunn, who was jumping up and down in rage.

"What the hell did they put in those cookies!" asked Arnett. If that was not enough then an angry General Shepherd in a Little Bird with loudspeakers is blaring a rather discomforting message...

"RAMIREZ! Which one of your squad is responsible for sneaking yaoi magazines into my desk!" Dunn decides it's time for him to Oscar Mike so he runs under a car and makes a move to the beach. Shepherd rappels down and pursues him like Dirty Harry with his .44 Magnum with the corporal barely dodging the bullets. To make matters worst there's a crowd of Call of Duty fanboys gathering around the parking lot. They are looking at the chibis with eyes that would put Kimura-sensei himself to shame.

"Hey guys! There's Modern Warfare 2 chibis!" shouted a fanboy dressed as WW2 Capt. Price, complete with fake moustache. All the fanboys screamed their heads off and dashed for them. The chibi squad shrieked in horror and went under the cars to escape. The fanboys ran past Ramirez, who was suprised at the breaking of the fourth wall. The squad ran through to the picturesque seaside town going through obstacles that slowed down the crowd. In the midst of it all is Ramirez, who was jogging beside them.

"RAMIREZ! This is no time for PT! Get us outta here!" shouted Sgt. Foley, who was now panting heavily and his stubby legs tiring.

Ramirez was rubbing his chin in deep thought, "Hmmm, I can get you out. The catch is... if you guys could give me a treat."

"Ramirez, don't be jackass!" blurted McCord. Behind are the sounds of crushing metal and glass as the rabid fanboys wrecked everything in their path. The squad looked back and squeaked in fright.

"Alright, Alright! You made your point! What do you want!" pleaded Foley.

"I want to have a food trip to Burger Town, Taco Togo and Julian's Pizza here in Okinawa, plus all the Japanese curry I want, your treat, guys!" he beamed.

"Just get us outta here, Ramirez!" Ramirez hailed the nearest taxi and grabbed his midget squad and stuffed them inside the trunk, much to their protest. The taxi zoomed off leaving the fanboys disheartened. The theme of Baywatch plays while the General pursues the trickster corporal at the beach, firing his pistol at the chibi, who was screaming and pleading while dodging. Some of the shots manage to hit Spongebob and Patrick. They did not notice a classic air ballet involving a teacher maneuvering and dodging the anime-style lunging and slashing attacks of a cleaver armed chibi. All that is about to change.

* * *

Kimura flies over a camp where his daughter, Miruchi, and Yuka-chan are staying. They saw Kimura flying and waved at him. He didn't noticed since he was flying for his life. Then he does something to get that thing off his tail. He does... SONIDO. He disappeared in a blur with a loud static sound. A shocked Churuya franticlally searched for him everywhere and anticipating his possible countermove(very brave for a teacher). She looked up in the clouds and saw him perform a garganta. He tore a rip through space and it sucked him in. She raced to get into the tunnel but too late, it disappeared right before her eyes. She crashed right into Osama bin Laden's private jet, blowing it up in the process.

"SHIT! He got away, nyoro!" she screamed while she wiped away the soot and dirt on her face and uniform. she was pissed but she did got a glimpse of the world the portal took Kimura to. "Too can play that game! Sandland here I come!"

Kimura swooshed through the sky like a meteor in Deep Impact and landed in the horizon with a resulting explosion similar to a MOAB, complete with mini mushroom cloud. At the foreground is a sign that says EL HAZARD-HUECO MUNDO BORDER. Somewhere near Kimura's LZ is a battle involving the Starship Troopers against the Bugrom tribe and the Bleach gang fighting Arrancars. Kimura got up and looked at the battle: Futuristic soldiers with guns fighting intelligent insectoids and spiritual beings clashing in Japanese anime-style swordplay and abilities. The battle ends and everyone shouts their war cries and congratualate each other. Kimura approached Lt. John Rico, who was busy sorting up carapaces for trophies, picking up the best ones.

"Looks like we got Archie on the run, boys and girls!" he said picking up a green shell while his marines are pumping water from some random oasis to clean the icky bug juice. Another one is passing beers to everyone including the cast of Bleach.

"Excuse me, Mr. Marine sir, do you know where I can eat in peace?" he asked timidly.

"The oasis over here is our firebase. You could go to the transport to freshen up on beer." he said in a gung ho tone, not that it was patronizing but a feeling of espirit de corps since he had just won the battle.

"I like the smell of cordite and bug juice in the morning. It smells like...victory," he said to Kimura," Do you?"

"Smells like it could use some air freshener here." Kimura answered, pinching his nose.

"You'll get used to it, old man." Rico said patting his shoulder. Kimura frowned. He doesn't like the term 'old man'.

"I'm not old. I'm still young at heart." The teacher retorted.

"Yeah, whatever, old man." The marine said. He pick up what looked like a homemade cigarette. He put it in his mouth and lit it. He took a big refreshing puff. Kimura sniffed it and realized it wasn't tobacco. It was marijuana.

"Want a joint, teach?" asked a marine offering a stick. He had bleary red eyes which means he's in Cloud 9 now.

"Noooo... smoking is bad." he awkwardly answered.

"Hmmmph, teetolars." The soldier gave to another comrade.

He faced Rico again, who had bleary eyes too. The space marine is smoking contentedly. He asked him,"Wouldn't your superiors court martial you if they knew you were doing drugs?" He got no answer. He decided not press the matter.

John Rico suddenly fell to his knees an after a few seconds fell face forward with a thud. Kimura looked in horror at the knife on his back but worse still is what is standing an inch away from the dead man's feet: A green haired chibi with its catlike mouth, two beady eyes and small round pink cheeks; with its stubby hands and feet is the face of cuteness and evil. It's Churuya.

"AAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!" he screamed and looked around. The other marines followed suit dropping like flies. All with knives sticking on their backs. He turned to the shinigami.

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" he cried but it was too late. The chibi bribe them with Gears of War.

"See you online, guys," she said to the departing Bleach cast who are now returning to Soul Society with the souls of the space marines too spaced out in pot to realize they're dead.

"Well, good luck," said Chad awkwardly to Kimura as he departs with the others. Now time for an epic anti-climax commercial.

* * *

"Hello, I'm Nikolai. President of Bank of Nikolai. Give me your money and I take care of it for you, no problem. It's so easy with online. I'd go into your computer to transfer from your bank to my bank of Nikolai then I put in my pocket. Left side from pocket. Very safe in there," said the shady looking guy seating in a desk in a office of some random bank.

The muscleman in the background said," Very safe."

"You trust me, look I have pen..." Then came in Nikolai of the Modern Warfare series, the real heir to the Bank of Nikolai. He was walking to the desk to the joker masquerading as him.

"What the hell are you doing here!" shouted MW Nikolai, who planned to turn this bank into a legitimate bussiness, not a mob scam.

"Why hello, my friend. What brings you here?" said the shady guy who wasn't perturbed at all of the presence of the real owner.

"I want you out of my bank, NOW!"

"Well sure. You'll have to get through Yushin first, though." He points a thumb to the muscleman who was smashing his fist against the palm of his hand.

"In that case..." MW Nikolai, with an evil grin, took out a scythe that might have been used by the Grim Reaper himself. The blade bears the name LIGHT YAGAMI.

Both the shady guy and Yushin exchanged to each other the time honored' oh no! were screwed!' looks. The screen went blank and there were girlish screams, maniac laughter, slashing and splatter sounds.

Never trust easy security scams and never commit inheritance fraud - A commercial brought to you by Norton Antivirus and the US Departmant of Justice.

* * *

Kimura rushes to the oasis where the SOS Brigade is feasting on the three aforementioned corpses. After that he hides inside the foilage where he thought was safe. Now he can eat his sandwich in peace until...

"PEEKABOO!" Churuya appeared right in front of Kimura. He screamed like a little girl and ran out of the bushes. He frantically searched for a place to hide until he found a cardboard box. He opened it and got inside. It was dark but at least he can eat in peace but then a match lit and the teacher saw the real owner.

"GO FIND YOUR OWN BOX!" shouted Solid Snake who shoved Kimura out of his box. Kimura pleaded, "No wait, you don't understand-" but Snake is already moving away from him like turtle. Desperately, the teacher turned to a soldier with a J on his mask standing near a unused barrel.

"Hey, can you hide me-!" but Johnny Sasaki quickly went inside and made like a turtle too. Now the chibi crept up behind and brandished the cleaver.

"I still want that sandwich, nyoro." she said. Kimura had no choice. With a heavy heart he threw the sandwich and the chibi jumped; caught it mid-air and threw away the cleaver. It ate the sandwich whole with gusto and licked her lips and fingers.

"You got what you wanted! Now let me go!" shouted Kimura, who still regretted giving the sandwich made by his dearest students to that crazy chibi.

"I'm still hungry, nyoro. You looked smoky tasty." she said. He looked at himself and realized he turned into a giant block of smoked cheese.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" he tried to move but it was no use," Please don't eat me! I don't taste good!"

"Oh, you do, but your screaming face won't let me eat in peace so I brought in the heavy artillery.", she showed the Rika hoe, "I promised it will hurt a lot." It jumped on Kimura and dug the blade beneath his face with One Winged Angel choral part blaring. She pushed it deeper with her foot and started prying the face.

"OHHHHH MY GOD! OHHHHH NOOOO!" screamed the teacher.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, NYORO! HHAHAHAHHAHA, NYORO! HAHAHAHAHAHA, NYORO!" laughed the chibi as the choral part of One Winged Angel blared louder. Lightning strucked at the background and the sky darkens as screams and laughter echoed horrifically throughout the desert.

* * *

He was screaming in bed and and his wife quickly got up.

"Honey, Honey! Calm down, it's just a dream, it's just a dream!" his wife said shaking him to wake up. Kimura woke up with cold sweat. Meanwhile, someone was already awake. It was Yukari and she went to the bathroom to answer the call of nature after a wonderful dream of playing Gears of War and owning Nyamo every single time. When she heard the screams she didn't flinch at all. It was, after all, her esteemed colleague Kimura waking up from a crazy dream. She finished and cleaned herself up.

She then noticed something different about herself. She turned on the lights and saw herself in the mirror. The image that was staring back at her had fairer than usual skin. She had blue gray eyes and her wavy her is blond. Her features and figure changed slightly but the thing that caught her eyes the most are long ears that pointed sideways. She touched her wavy blond hair and pointed ears. It was then Yukari realized she had turned into something not human: she became an Elf. She screamed so loudly that everyone who was rubbing their eyes from Kimura's scream became fully awake and alert in a flash. Including Nyamo Kurusawa

* * *

Phew! This is the longest chapter I made so far. I wanted to go detail Kimura's nightmare. It has references to Half Life(Headcrabs), Bleach, Warcraft, Higurashi, El Hazard, COD:MW2, Excel Saga(Nabeshin), Death Note(Light Yagami), One Piece(devil fruit, Kuma, Brook and Usopp), Doraemon, Spongebob, Metal Gear, Starship Troopers and Norton Antivirus.

For the less familiar, I'll give a rundown the ones you don't know: the fatass Homer Sinpson cop is Kanchiki Ryotsu from Kochikame. The motorcycle cop; the tranny; the super strong wildcat and the Nyamo look-alike is Ken Nakajima, Aoi Futaba, Natsumi Tsujimoto and Miyuki Kobayaakawa(she does look like Nyamo) respectively from You're Under Arrest. The tufo delivery boy is Takumi Fujiwara of Initial D. The One Piece chase comes from a picture called Pedokuma. The lactose intolerance and cheese taco comes the Higurashi parody by 2Kids Casey and Friends. The Taco Togo is from MW2. The commercial is a parody of the Norton ad Bank of Nikolai. The song in Kimura's head is Bump and Grind by R. Kelly.

Chapter 3 coming up next.


	4. Lost Contact

Chapter 3: Lost Contact

Sorry it took so long. Please R&R. I might have down things wrong.

* * *

Kyon stirred awake by the alarm of his cell phone. He looks at the clock: 4 a.m. He looks over his shoulder and notices Itsuki still fast asleep. He didn't mind and decides to take a look outside. It was still dark but he can see orange light in the horizon which means morning's coming soon, not unusual in during short summer nights. The air is a bit cold. He looks around and notices it isn't the mangrove swamp. They were on a beach and it doesn't look tropical to him. It feels vaguely Mediterranean to him.

_Don't tell me we've relocated to Greece,_ he thought. But he remembered his conversation with Itsuki last night. _Great, we're in fantasyland now. _He half expected that some orc would pop out of nowhere. He had to wake up Koizumi quickly. He must see this.

The screams of Yukari frightened everyone into waking mode. Nyamo, rubbing her eyes from Kimura's cries of fear became startled she heard her friend yell. She quickly got up and went to the forward cabin, leaving behind the startled couple. At the same time Yukari broke out of the room screaming until she slipped on something and falling down face forward. Sakaki, Tomo, Yomi, and Kagura, frightened by the initial shock, looked cautiously and approached the figure. She had long wavy blonde hair and long ears. They slowly and carefully picked her up and have her seated. They parted some of her hair and examined her. Yukari, still reeling from the shock of her new appearance and the hard fall she took, look at the four girls and moaned in pain. She then looked at their apprehensive eyes.

"I know…what… you're thinking," She nervously began, "but… it's… me, Yukari-sensei." In an instant, Nyamo came and yelled, "Yukari! Are you all right!"

The PE teacher then looked at the girls and figure on the berth. The four girls looked at the figure looming at the door. She had brown skin, green eyes and silver hair. Her ears are long, pointed and slanting to an almost straight angle. The girls were perplexed by the sudden turn of events and so is everyone else. She then asked awkwardly, "What …happened… here?" she looked at the figure, "Who is she!"

No one could answer and their eyes remain wide open. Osaka, Hanako, Kaorin and Chiyo, slowly approached the figure from behind. They looked at her. Hanako whispered nervously to Chiyo's ear, "Didn't she come from the rear cabin, where my parents and the teachers sleep?"

Osaka, in wide eyed awe at the creature standing before them, exclaimed, "Aliens!"

It startled Nyamo and she looked behind, "Osaka! What are you talking about?" And when she did, she looked at a transparent plastic container; she looks at the reflection staring back at her and realized her appearance has changed. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

Kagura shouted and threateningly approached, "What the hell are you!"

Nyamo finally spoke, "Please calm down, Kagura. Please listen to me. I'm Miss Kurusawa-"

"Don't lie to us!" Tomo shouted, cutting the teacher off. She turned to Yukari then brandished a flashlight and shone it on her, "How 'bout you? Where's Yukari-sensei!

The teacher's expression changed from bewilderment to rage, "I _am_ Miss Yukari, you baka!"

"Like I'm gonna believe that! What's my score during the midterm exam!"

"31 points, you baka, now get of my way or you'll wish you've never been to my class!" Yukari quickly stood up angrily. That was a bad choice of words and a bad course of action for within a split second the wildcat yelled, giving the tsundere English teacher-turned-elf a right hook into her solar plexus. It socked right into the chest knocking the wind out of her, sending her back to the floor. Nyamo shouted, "Stop it!" and instinctively shot forward to aid her but Kagura and Sakaki quickly threw their arms at her and they crashed on the floor, pinning her down. Simultaneously, Tomo grabbed a notebook and started spanking Yukari frantically. The PE teacher tried to get up but the two girls holding her arms plus Kaorin and Yomi holding down her legs made it difficult for her to move. She tried to struggle but they were too strong for her. Hanako hid behind her parents.

"Where's coach!" Kagura shouted at the figure they pinned down, her face showing anger.

"Please listen to me, everyone! I'm Minamo Kurusawa! I'm the PE teacher, the homeroom teacher of Class 5, and coach of the swim team-"But she felt a soft thud on her face. Osaka is patting her face with a pillow and she was dumfounded by the fast turn of events. First she was thrown to the floor by her students and now she is being 'beaten' with a pillow on the face. The girls too, especially Yomi, who finally said, "Osaka, you never get it right."

Kagura chimed in, "Yeah, but it beats what Tomo is doing." The wildcat is beating the figure with enthusiasm.

"Take that! And that! And that! And here's some more!" She jeered. Yukari whimpered at the blows, "YOW! YOW! OUCH! STOP IT DAMNIT!"

"Not until you tell me what happened to Yukari and Kurusawa-sensei! Until then I won't stop whacking you!" She continues landing blows on her. Osaka kept patting her face for a few seconds. Yomi said to the cloud cuckoo-lander, "That's enough, Osaka."

"Umm, okay." She answered calmly and stopped. Nyamo decided to she has to speak out.

Calmly, She spoke, "Don't be afraid, Kagura, I know you are the captain of the swim team and you've always practice hard. You are my best student. And I'm the one who got drunk told all of you, eh…'everything'. I know this because I'm Miss Kurusawa. Who else doesn't know about this on the boat other than your friends ad Yukari? I'm telling you the truth; it won't matter if you believe me or not." Kagura's eyes widened, "Coach?" she said softly, loosening her grip on Nyamo. Everyone else who's holding her down followed suit, stunned by the revelation.

"It's alright, everyone. I should remind myself to give you all extra credit at school since you all took your PE lessons at heart." The girls gave room and slowly stood up; they helped their groaning teacher up on her feet. The only sound on board is Tomo, who is oblivious to what happened behind her, had stepped up her Yukari bashing. Nyamo firmly ordered, "Tomo Takino, stop what you're doing already, this instant." The wildcat stopped, dumbfounded. She looked at everyone else behind her, "Kurusawa-sensei…is that really you?"

"Yes, Tomo, it's really me." She firmly replied. There was an awkward silence in the air. And for Tomo, things are getting a turn for the worst. She looks at her friends, then at the Kimuras, especially little Hanako, who now slowly crept from behind her parents. Then she looks at the blond long-eared woman who calls herself Yukari, who looks like someone blown out from an exploding bar. She awkwardly asks her, "Okay…if that's Kurusawa-sensei…you must be Yukari…right?"

"Of course!" Yukari growled, gritting her teeth. Tomo smiled nervously, confused and scared. She looks into her fiery eyes and lets out a nervous chuckle, knowing her goose is cooked. She, however, makes a last ditch effort to salvage the situation.

"Oops," she began, "Maybe I got a _little_ carried away…n-no h-h-hard feelings, right? I thought you were aliens," she chuckles nervously again, "Just like what Osaka said he-he."

Yukari barked, "WHAT IN THE HELL DO I LOOKED LIKE?" She stands up, grabs her two lesson planners and starts beating her like crazy. Everyone sweat dropped at this, "Whoa, that's gonna hurt pretty bad." Yomi remarked.

"Hey, that's what she gets for pissing her yet again that way. Remember what happened last time?" Kagura added. Yomi remembered about how Tomo got wild over her good time in Hokkaido and that curry udon. "Yeah, I still do." She wryly replied. Meanwhile…

"OW! OW! OW! THAT HURTS!" Yelled Tomo, who was shielding her head from Yukari's lesson planners. "HOLD STILL!" Yukari blustered as she cranked it up.

Mrs. Kimura looks worried, "Isn't this illegal! Somebody stop her!"

Mr. Kimura cautioned, "I…d-don't think...w-we should...intervene, honey. You know...how...mad can she get right now."

As no one bothers to left a finger either from fear of Yukari's wrath or 'cause of schadenfreude and spaciness, they didn't notice something stirred beneath Sakaki's berth. The creature casually emerged from it blinking and yawned, stretching its body lazily. It scratched an itch behind the ear with one of its hind paws. It turns around to the crowd and looks at them scanning for its master from the doorway with its eyes that can see better in the dark than the yacht's human occupants. It makes its way out leisurely. As Yukari continues spanking, she notices something lurking from the front cabin. She stops spanking and slowly drops the lesson planners. Tomo notices that Yukari stopped raining her with whacks.

"Hey, Yukari stopped spanking me!" She excitedly said. She looks around confusedly and asked dumbfoundedly, "What's going on, everyone?" Yukari slowly pointed to the 'thing'. Tomo looked at it. 'It' was wagging its tail like a clock.

"Let's shine some light on it." Sakaki suggested. Everyone looked at her with a mixture of fright and disbelief. "You're not serious?" Nyamo asked wide-eyed as she turned to the long-haired girl.

"What if that thing is hostile, Miss Sakaki!" Chiyo said looking scared as she looked up at Sakaki.

"Yeah! That things looks like it's gonna tear us with its teeth-if it has any!" Kaorin voiced visibly shaking.

"We should light it just to give it a try. We don't even know what it is." Yomi calmly asserted. Yukari picked up the flashlight and shone on the thing. They behold what they saw. It laid on the floor lazily. It had a feline appearance: brown fur with spots on its body and stripes running along its back; its tail is thick, long and black at the tip; the ears are rounded, white from behind with dark borders; the eyes also have dark borders with white lines that run along the corners across the cheeks; finally, the paws are black. It yawned again, revealing its teeth. Everyone suddenly came to a startling realization.

"Maya?" Sakaki softly said. She realized that her beloved Yamapikarya had turned into a tiger-sized cat. Bigger than one too. It purred gently, then it stood up and stretched. Everyone was dumbfounded as it approached them. Tomo looked with her mouth wide open. She couldn't believe that everything had taken a turn for the surreal. She looks to Yukari, "Don't you and Kurusawa look like your characters from your Youtube video that won us this trip?"

Yukari gawked as shw got up, "Now you mention it, yeah." Tomo looked at Maya. She smiled as she marveled at the cat's new form. _Wow, that cat _is_ huge. I'll pet it!_ Yomi looked at Tomo smiling. She knew that something crazy is cooking up in her mind. The wildcat extends her hand and then... pats Maya. The crowd held their breath as Tomo did what was possibly the most lethal and stupid thing ever done. But then again, she has a penchant for the insanely stupid.

"Don't do it, Tomo! That's dangerous!" Chiyo warned as she hid behind Nyamo. Tomo looked at Chiyo, "You're still such a kid! Maya would still think he's a little kitten, even if he turns into a big mean eating machine!" She makes growl and gestures imitating a tiger at Chiyo. Tomo quickly turned back to Maya and continues petting him. Chiyo looks on horror. Tomo looks back again and stops for a while. Then she starts boinking him rapaidly. Everyone's eyes went blank with horror as she repeatedly spanked Maya's head with glee, throwing dice with death. Sakaki is completely mortified as she witnessed her pet being...abused...by the wildcat.

"Hey, this is fun, you guys!" She squealed in delight.

"Tomo, stop it!" Chiyo shouted, already shaking with fright as she watches on.

"C'mon, Chiyo! He's completely harmless!" Tomo said while she keeps spanking the cat. She stops and looks at Maya. Then gives him a big wallop on the head, making everyone pale. She looks back at her, "SEE! He doesn't fight back-!"

"_**RARGH!**_" Maya roared.

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Everyone screamed and huddled together in total fear. Tomo backed away, propelling herself backward with her hands. Maya slowly puts a paw forward and everyone scampered to the rear cabin. They struggled as they try to open the hatch leading to cockpit but it was a confusing 'every man for himself' melee as everyone kept pushing and pulling to see who gets out first. But one girl is left behind at the midst of all this. As everyone struggled to, Chiyo looks around and screams, "Where's Miss Sakaki!"

Sakaki stumbled as the gang rushed for their lives to the hatch. She gets up and notices the Iriomote 'tiger' staring at her. Fear paralyzed her so she couldn't move. It seems it was going to pounce on her at any minute. Everyone yelled at her, "Run, Sakaki! Run, Sakaki, run!"

But she couldn't move. He might strike if she does. The cat calmly move towards her. Everyone at the cabin winced as it approached her. Time slowed down and they could her their hearts beat. Nyamo couldn't take this. She shouted, "Somebody help her!"

Kagura stood up, "I'll do it!" She grabs a hard plastic cup, "HEY! Beat it, kitty!"

Chiyo suddenly shouted, "Wait!" She pointed to the cat bowing down to Sakaki. He then purrs playfully. She stoops down gently laying her hand on his head. It purrs again as Sakaki pets him. She smiled. Maya _is_ still Maya. The cat joyfully licked her hands. She hugged him tightly and he licks her face. The gang got up and slowly approached the two. Their fear turned to wonder as the tall girl soothed the savage beast-who is still a little cat at heart. They crowded around them.

"We almost thought you had it, Miss Sakaki." Hanako said as she embraced her. She was deathly scared of the cat and Sakaki, she thought, was breakfast. Kaorin suddenly and tightly hugged both of them, "Thank God your safe, Miss Sakaki!" She weep.

Nyamo sighed in relief, "I'm glad that's over." She looks at Tomo, who is smiling like some kid in a amusement park staring at Maya. She pinches her ear.

"Ow! Hey! What gives! Tomo winced.

"Oh no, you're not doing any of your mischief today." Nyamo said sternly.

* * *

"It's amazing, Kyon," remarked Itsuki while he and Kyon prepare breakfast as the dawn began to lighten up. The two boys simply could not believe that they woke up in another world, another reality. True, the esper acquainted him with last night's discourse on parallel worlds and alternate reality; they, Nagato, and Mikuru are no strangers to other dimensions such as closed spaces. But this hit Kyon like a sledge hammer and it certainly made an impression on Itsuki as well. "I never thought that this would happen like this." Kyon began.

"In what manner, Kyon," Itsuki chuckled, "We get sucked into a portal or something?"

"I was thinking of more in terms of Haruhi dragging us to one when she discovers it in the swamp." Kyon retorted. He found that chuckle irrititang in the midst of this dimensional insanity. They continued cooking. Kyon is making mushroom soup while Itsuki is making rice and boiling water for tea. They continued their small talk.

"Itsuki, tell me again why Haruhi chose a relatively normal assignment: to film a wild cat?"

"She couldn't think of any sort of strange and out-of-the ordinary things to go looking for this summer so she took this as a sort of diversion."

"I see," Kyon quipped as he adjust the flames, "You notice that nothing strange has happened for the past two weeks."

"Yeah, Kyon. We at the Agency called this occurrence Halcyon Weeks."

"Halcyon what?" Asked Kyon, who was a bit puzzled.

"According to a belief in ancient Greece, halcyon or kingfishers nested on sea. The seas calmed down for two weeks so they can lay their eggs on floating nest around the winter solstice. The term Halcyon became associated with peace or calm. So for two weeks there everything was stable and there were no closed spaces or anything else caused by Haruhi prior to this."

"Hmm, you also said that something or...someone is manipulating with stronger forces to create a rift between the barrier of worlds and that Haruhi is the catalyst."

"Yes, Kyon," Itsuki replied with level-headed coolness, "We know something like that would be difficult without the aid of a powerful reality bending force. Clearly, they, whoever or whatever they are, have succeeded in the first phase of their plan had succeeded."

"What!"

"You see, what we have witnessed is a partial barrier breach. That is to say that they only created a chink in the wall. Too small to have any significant impact but big enough for the extremely careless to wander in."

"Which means...?"

"That there is a one in a million chance for anybody to wander, or in our case, to be sucked in to something like this. But like a tear in a piece of paper, it can get bigger. That's were phase 2 comes in."

"You mean..."

"We don't really know much yet."

Kyon flipped out from those words. "You don't know!" He raised his voice in alarm.

"I mean I said I don't know much yet." The esper corrected. "I'm sorry Kyon. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Yeah! Do it when we get to our reality, alright!" He shot back rapidly. Nagato woke up and crawled out of the tent. She approaches the two boys and takes her seat beside Kyon. He was still, reeling from the esper's shocking answer, but managed to speak after a few seconds, "Good m-moring, Nagato."

"Good morning, Kyon." She replied tonelessly. Not that he cared anyway. Yuki, after all, is a Humanoid Interface, which is to say that she is an alien created from data, not organic matter, by a collective galactic super hivemind named the Data Integration Thought Entity. It created Yuki and others like her to communicate with human beings, both covertly and overtly, since it couldn't talk to us itself. He nearly got sliced and diced by one of her 'colleagues', Ryoko Asakura. Kyon thought, _Come to think of it, I owe her my life since then._ Itsuki greeted cheerfully, "Morning, Nagato."

"I think I have an answer to all your questions, Kyon." Yuki said.

Kyon hesitates at first then said, "Go on."

"I detected a severe and massive energy quake during 24:05 pm. That is five minutes after midnight. It caused us and any being within a 30-mile radius to be displaced into this alternate universe. One earlier in this world and the other later occured in from Earth. The first occurred at exactly 18:00." She said tonelessly as usual. Kyon was gasped and turned to the soup he's cooking. He replied, "I find this rather hard to grasp," he faces Yuki agan, "But go on."

Yuki continued, "The first one was a gradual process, manipulating data around the environment at a prodigiously slow rate. It could take three to four days at most. However, the second one created by Haruhi Suzumiya accelerated it further, resulting into a tear in the dimension walls that separates the two worlds."

"So it was Haruhi's will...right?"

"You can say that, Kyon," Itsuki interjected again, "She distorts reality to suit her whims after all."

Nagato went on, "It is most likely that it was already set in motion two weeks prior to yesterday. At this world preparations have already been made and for two weeks data manipulation has stepped up to its peak at 18:00 PM. It caused a powerful shockwave that transcended the boundary of worlds. Haruhi Suzumiya had picked the signals from this world and she unconsciously widened the gap via data flare-up."

"So," Kyon said slowly, "she wanted a fantasyland in her sleep and she dragged us here-"

"Hey you guys!" A cheery voice rang out from behind them. It gave them sending chills down there spine save for Yuki. Their heads swung instantly to the back. It was SOS Brigade leader, the god, Haruhi. Everyone seemed to have a hear attack.

"You guys looked busy over there." But she stopped on her tracks. Then looks around at her surroundings. Her face changed from happy to curious with a hint of worry.

She asked slowly and timidly, "Guys, what are we doing here? I don't remember us being on a beach."

"Yeah," Kyon awkwardly replied, "We're talking about it right now."

"My God. Something isn't right. What are we gonna do?" She wailed. The cynic raged in thought, _something isn't right indeed. And you did it! And we're here because of you! Now what are you gonna do about it then?_ But in a flash tsundere/genki girl is back to her usual self in a flash.

"This is way better than our documenting some stupid cat!" She squealed in delight as she rushed to wake back to the tents.

"Wait up, Haruhi!" Shouted Koizumi. Before he departs he turns to Kyon and Yuki, "I think we should discuss this later. Right now it isn't the time."

That left Kyon puzzled. He turns to Yuki and awkwardly asked her, "Umm, you got any suggestions for breakfast? Well... this isn't much you know."

The 'alien' cryptically replied, "Do not worry. I shall obtain sustenance." _Sustenance, huh? What's your idea of that then?_

* * *

At the galley Chiyo and Mrs. Kimura are preparing breakfast for everyone with Osaka helping out, singing the cooking song and calming their nerves. Yomi, Kagura, Kaorin, Hanako and Tomo are tidying up the interior after that wild dark morning. Meanwhile, Sakaki is on the port bow with Maya. Her job is to keep the cat calm and restrainted. Yukari, as usual, is lazing her ass off on the deck, impressed by her new form as Kimura fished food for Maya.

"Yukari," Nyamo sounding irritated from the starboard rail, "Aren't you suppose to help us?"

"Now, now, Nyamo," she replied in a mellowed tone, "I'm the first victim of this unusual and _beautiful_ transformation and got beatened by that wildcat Tomo so I deserve some time-off."

"How could you relax like that when we are in out-this-world situation here?" Nyamo's annoyance only increased.

"Hey don't get get yourself all worked out. We have the girls to take care of everything, you know."

"But that doesn't mean your gonna lay down there all day. This trip isn't for free after all."

"Hey, we won this trip because of me!"

"Didn't you notice anything wrong here! At least for now help us by scrubbing the deck!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh." Yukari whined as she stood up. The hatched opened and she emerged. She said to everyone, "Breakfast is ready."

"Breakfast! All right!" Yukari rushed to below decks as the little pigtailed girl quickly hopped out of the way. She looks to Nyamo and Mr. Kimura, "Kurusawa-sensei, Kimura-sensei. Aren't you gonna come down too?"

"We have to stay here to steer the boat. You can bring our breakfast here." Nyamo said.

"Oh, by the way, can you stay with us a little bit after you bring us breakfast?" Kimura said quietly smiling. Chiyo shuddered at those words and his face.

"Umm, I'll bring your breakfast right away." She quickly answered and dashed off below. Nyamo frowned at Kimura, "Do you have to scare her like that?"

"C'mon, Nyamo! I just want a little more company!" Kimura weepily retorted.

"Does that mean like 'underage' company? Learn some decency for a change!"

"All right." Kimura mourned. He kepted to the fishing rod. Suddenly, the rod jerked hard and the reel started spinning. He shouted happily, "I got a big one!"

"Quick, reel it in!" Nyamo replied. He jumped up and yanked the rod the fish pulled harder. He frantically reeled it in. The teacher felt the fish tug and and he pulled harder and reeled faster. Nyamo wrapped her arms tightly on his waist to keep him from into the water. It abruptly popped out of the water, crashing hard into his chest and they both tumbled. They both whelped in pain.

Sakaki and Maya stood up in alarm. Everyone below decks went up. "What the hell was that!" Kagura shouted in alarm. The two teachers stood up groaning.

Kimura could only mutter in joy, "L-look." He pointed to the fish, a fat tuna flopping on the deck and frentically sucking in air. It makes one pathetic attempt to reach to the edge but Tomo grabbed its tail. She blurted triumphantly holding it in the air, "Yay, we got fresh breakfast!"

"Honey, you you're a winner today!" Mrs. Kimura cheered like a an angel on uppers.

"Whoa, Kimura-sensei caught a big one!" Kagura yelled. She never thought the guy could catch a fish this big.

"I think it's for Maya." Yomi interjected with her arms crossed. Tomo looked at her with a sly look, "What? Wanna eat the fish all by yourself?" She said dangling it in front of her.

Yomi face grumbled, "I just said that-"

"Don't lie to me, Yomi. This fish is just too good for us but just right for you." Like a phantom, Maya cocked forward and snatched the fish from her hand. Tomo opened her eyes and saw the fish gone.

"What! Where's is it! Where's the fish!" She frantically looked around. Hanako pointed to the cat, "Look. Maya is eating it." The giant cat is contentedly eating the tuna. It purred with glee.

"Don't worry. I'll clean it up." Sakaki said. Kaorin's eyes went blank and she gasped hard, "That's brave, Miss Sakaki! I'll help you too!"

She was bowled over by Kaorin's offer, "Uh...sure." She calmly answered.

Tomo sanked to her knees and sadly moaned, "Oh... the fish."

"That was for Maya, dummy." Yomi scolded. Then everybody's stomachs grumbled. Looks like all the excitement would have to wait at the galley. Mrs. Kimura, Yukari, and girls with the exception of Chiyo, Kaorin, and Sakaki went back down. Chiyo approached the two teachers, "I'll get you breakfast right away."

Kaorin added, "Wait, Chiyo. I'll get breakfast for me and Miss Sakaki." She looks back at the tall beauty and shyly asked, "Would you like me to get your breakfast, Miss Sakaki?"

"Um, alright. Thank you, Kaorin." She gave a modest bow. Kaorin couldn't contain her excitement as she and Chiyo went down the hatch. Later they emerged with the food. Chiyo took it to the two teachers. "Here you go everyone. Bon appétit." She smiled at Nyamo.

"Thanks Chiyo-chan." Nyamo beamed. Chiyo replied, "Me and Mrs. Kimura made it."

"Wow, you help my wife in cooking? Thank you Chiyo-chan." Kimura cheered with a grin. Chiyo got stunned then smiled nervously. She steps away from the cockpit and goes back down. Nyamo turned to him. "That was inspiring," Nyamo remarked bitingly with an angry glare on Kimura.

"It was just a comment of praise," he mourned again, "it's just harmless."

"Anything you do or say is never really harmless for any teenage girl." Kimura dejectedly wolfed down his chow. Nyamo ate too, her mind spinning as she contemplates their predicament. _Damn! What the hell happened to me? What the hell happened to Yukari and Maya! This is giving goose bumps!_ She looks at the two girls who are talking to each other with the cat munching along. She rather not think about it. Below decks the atmosphere was light-hearted yet subdued. The morning's incident got them buzzing.

"That was one wicked wake-up call!" Tomo announced as she stabbed her omelet with a fork.

"Yeah, but the really wierd thing is about the teachers and Maya." Yomi added as she grabbed a piece of bread. "I mean he turned into a tiger and they turned into..." Her face revealed her bepuzzlement." ...elves."

"I couldn't believe my eyes," muttered Kagura, "Yukari-sensei and Kurusawa-sensei woke up looking like their personas from their Necocon-winning Youtube video."

"Hey you guys," Chiyo stressed, "Something's really wrong. We should get back right away."

"If we could find a port." Tomo smirked.

"Wait, what do you mean?" Yomi asked.

"Isn't it obvious, Yomi. We're all in another dimension. Like the Bermuda triangle." Yomi thought for a while. Then she replied, "Come to think of it, you do have a point."

"It's utterly brilliant, Yomi!" Shouted Yukari," How can I be my now beautiful self without any explanation?"

"See, Yomi! It's got Yukari-chan's approval. How 'bout you, do you have any," she imitated Yomi's voice, "logical proof?"

"I'm not denying that this is real and nor do I say it isn't." She firmly replied.

Mrs. Kimura intervened, "Everyone, please calm down and eat breakfast. You might lose your appetites."

"Well, since we can't talk about this on an empty stomach so...DIG IN!" Yukari yelled.

"ALRIGHT!" Tomo and Kagura shouted in unison and started attacking their food.

"Wait, everyone! Don't eat too fast...!"

As everyone ate the morning's bounty and Mrs. Kimura struggles to slow everyone down with the exception of Chiyo, Yomi and Hanako. Osaka ,however, is not touching her food, much less listen to the entire conversation the whole time. _I wonder if Yukari-sensei's and Kurosawa-sensei's ears can help them fly like Chiyo-chan's,_ she thought. The galley slowly transformed into a beautiful meadow. She laid in the grass and watched as everything unfolds. First was Chiyo. She was flapping her pigtails happily in a loop the loop. She said to her, "Chiyo. You're flying."

"Hi Osaka! I'm so happy today!" Chiyo replied as she did yet another loop.

"Chiyo, Yukari-sensei and Kurusawa-sensei have long ears. Can they fly with them?" She sleepily asked to her.

"Certainly, Osaka. They're coming right now!" The teachers soon came flapping their ears like Chiyo's pigtails. They're all smiling. Osaka waved at them.

"Yo Osaka!" Yukari shouted, "What'cha staring at us for! Come fly with us!"

Nyamo looked at down at Osaka, "Osaka! Come and join us! This is the new PE regimen!"

"I wanna join you!" Osaka shouted with glee, "I wanna fly!" she turns to Chiyo! "Hey Chiyo! How do I fly?"

Everyone across table looked at her sweatdropping. The room is silent except for the gentle drone of the engine. Mrs. Kimura asked Yukari quietly, "Is...she...alright?"

"It's normal for her to dove off with her eyes open so lets just leave her that way." Yukari said dismissively. But Chiyo, who was sitting near Osaka, tugged her shirt. Osaka slowly turned her head, having just returned to reality. She turns to her ,"Hey Chiyo. Can Yukari-sensei?" Everyone just stared at her. Finally, Yomi said, "Um, everyone. Let's just eat breakfast."

* * *

It has been two hours and they still have not sighted any land. Kimura looked calmly as he stirred the wheel. Nyamo feels a little tense despite the beautiful sunshine. She looked at the source of the tension: the transponder.

"Kimura. Somethings wrong with it." Nyamo pointed to the GPS transponder on the cockpit, making a long _beeeeep _like a flatlining electrocardiogram. Kimura looked at it and looks worried, "It's working, Nyamo."

"Then, explain to me why it's not bleeping as it should be. All it does is make one continuous beep." Nyamo pointed out. Kimura scratched his head.

"I never had to deal with something like this back in the '80s." He replied. Nyamo flipped out at that, "You what! You know about boating than anyone else on board, you had to know!"

"Well, I never boat for quiet a long time so I'm not completely up to date." Nyamo puffed a cloud of air in relief, "Okay. Are your navigation skills still good?"

"Don't worry. We'll get back to port in a few hours." He replied. "I hope your right, Kimura." Nyamo finally said. _I hope your right_. The yacht sailed around the sea for two hours. The two teachers are getting increasingly nervous. She looked over to Kimura, "I thought you said you can take us to land in a few hours?"

"I did charted the course beforehand. I sailed it correctly." Kimura replied. Then he pleaded, "I didn't get ourselves lost, Nyamo! I swear it!" Kaorin and Sakaki turned their heads in alarm. A frightful thought entered their minds. _We're lost!_

"Calm down, Kimura," Nyamo reassured, "I believe you. We're gonna have radio for help." She went to the radio. She turned it on and adjusted the frequency almost naturally. Kimura was suprised, "How are you able to use a radio?"

The brown-skinned long eared teacher replied, "My father was a biologist and outdoorsman. He used to take me to trips on their summer breaks when he had the time. He was a fanatic about physical fitness which inspired me to be a PE teacher. He also taught me how to use a radio." She listened on the earphones. They are just whirring eerily. _Not a good sign_, she thought. She spoke into the microphone nevertheless, "Pan, Pan, Pan. This is Gitana 43-class yatch _Fuuko 4_, can you hear me, over? I repeat, this _Fuuko 4_, over. I repeat, this is _Fuuko 4_. Can anyone hear me out there, over?"

No answer. She repeated her message. Same results. This chilled her to the bone. The GPS flatlining and now the radio just gives out an unsettling whir. They cannot find return to Okinawa or sight any of the islands even if Kimura said he planned the route in advance. There is more to this than a simple unexplainable metamorphosis. Kimura turned to Nyamo, "We'll have to cut engines. Let's hoist the sails while we get our bearings."

Nyamo replied, "Good idea. Let's not tell anyone else about it for now. We don't want any more panic in our hands."

Enjoy Lost Contact.

* * *

Author's note: Pan-pan is a radio call sign similar to Mayday, only this is used in emergencies when the occupants are not in any immediate danger.


End file.
